Disciplinary Spanking is Not Child Abuse

Disciplining a child is a social issue that has been debated countless times. At the top of the discussion is the issue of spanking. For some, disciplining a child through spanking is considered child abuse because it involves inflicting bodily harm to a child. On the other side of the argument, disciplinary spanking is not child abuse because the intent is not to harm the child per se, but to instill discipline by which a child would associate an action to something unpleasant as spanking. In fact, disciplinary spanking do have its wisdom and should not be considered as child abuse.

Foremost, disciplinary spanking is anchored in traditional wisdom of old-style parenting method. As it is written in the book of Proverbs “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him”. In this case, the act of disciplining through spanking is a sign of showing love and care to a child. But the proverb is also mindful in stating to be ‘careful’ when disciplining. This means that when a parent spanks a child he or she must do so out of love and not out of anger.

For example, when a parent spanked his/her child out of anger over spilled milk or a broken vase and the reason was unclear to the child or the reason was that the parent was stressed out or angry, then that is not disciplining. That is not disciplinary spanking but rather merely hurting your child—this is why some people think that spanking is child abuse because spanking could easily be taken out of context. With the given example, the parent was acting out of anger and not out of care to discipline their child who broke the vase or spilled the milk.

With the same example, the parent could spank the child ‘with care’ by spanking them not out of anger but with the intent of disciplining their child to be more careful next time—this makes all the difference. Rather than spanking the child outright, take the child in a private room—like the toilet or bedroom and talk to them sincerely as to what their offense was and why they need to be spanked. After spanking, the parent must reiterate to the child the reason for the spanking to ensure that the proper message was conveyed i.e. to be more careful in pouring milk or in handling expensive things; spanking is a way of showing love. The parents must ensure that the child understood why he/she was spanked in the first place to ensure that he/she understood the context of the punishment. With the right intent and the correct perspective both on the side of the parent and of the child, disciplinary spanking would be an effective tool.

In addition, disciplinary spanking is not child abuse but something very cultural. Different culture and ethnicity view spanking differently and generally spoon feeding everyone with one norm by imposing the standard of one culture to the rest is simply wrong. Simply put, insisting that disciplinary spanking is child abuse is a very ethnocentric viewpoint. Ethnocentric or ethnocentrism is using one’s cultural standard in gauging and or analyzing other culture (Columbia University Press, 2000). In this case you are using the general Western culture’s perception on spanking and child abuse and insisting it on other culture or at least using it as a benchmark to judge the morals and beliefs of other culture and or ethnic groups. For instance, when global children organizations would criticize the treatment of (women) and children in the Middle East and Arab countries, they would often paint them as abused because parents would enforce physical punishment as a form of discipline—which is often times not only limited to spanking. Though there are some valid points, it is also important to remember the importance of cultural differences and thus the differences of parenting styles and techniques as dictated by cultural beliefs.

To support this claim that perception on disciplinary spanking is cultural, a research study participated by 466 whites and 100 black families in Tennessee showed that discipline through spanking among black children could lead to good behavior while spanking in white children could lead to behavioral problems. Black children tended to behave better when they have tougher parenting as this is interpreted as an expression of concern since being lax is perceived as abandonment of parental roles. But white children see harsh disciplining as a sign of hostility and tended to cultivate behavioral problems (Jet, 1996).

Moreover, despite ethnicity as a variable in the difference in the perception of discipline and thus creating a different social reaction in terms of social views and perspective in disciplinary spanking, it is imperative to highlight that physical discipline must be done not out of anger but out of compassion. Cross-cultural studies among mothers who spank their children showed that most of the participants agree that spanking fosters discipline. Moreover, the study has also shown that those who discipline their children out of anger develop tendencies among children to react violently when angered as well (Jet, 1995). Another good example are Asians who perceive disciplinary spanking positively. Most Asian cultures perceive spanking as a norm and are considered to be an effective means of instilling lessons either in school or at home.

To ensure that parents are spanking their child with the intent of disciplining, here are some guidelines proposed by Dr Dunlap and Dunlap (2009). One is to never use your hand when spanking your child. Rather, use a neutral object like a wooden stick to which the child would associate the pain. Using your hands to spank your child might send the wrong signal and the child would associate your hand to pain rather than love and comfort. Another thing to keep in perspective when disciplining a child through spanking is to remain firm. “Do not allow your child’s tears to manipulate you... Do not permit a child to scream, yell, jump up and down, or display an angry countenance while you are spanking him or her.” Always ensure that you and your child emotions are in check. Remain firm, resolute yet understanding and loving. Third important aspect is to always, always comfort your child after the spanking. Reassure your child that you spank him/her out of your love for him/ her and explain why you do what you did. Lastly, parents must show a united front in their disciplinary method. “Parents must be in full agreement as to what misbehavior they will correct and what methods of discipline they will employ” (Dunlap & Dunlap, 2009).

Disciplinary spanking is not child abuse because it is something cultural and is anchored on traditional wisdom of hurting a child physically in such a way that he or she would associate a negative action to something that is physically painful and thus would discourage him/her from repeating on doing the same mistake again in the future. If the intent of the disciplinarian is to truly discipline the child out of compassion and care for the child so that the child would grow up to have some semblance of moral fiber then disciplinary spanking have been made useful to its maximum potential because it has been executed in the matter that is befitting to discipline. But if spanking is done out of anger, frustration, or stress then that is not disciplining, and should not be called as such.

Columbia University Press (2000). Ethnocentrism. In The Columbia Encyclopedia. (6th ed. p. 12933).

Dunlop, D & Dunlop, D (2009). Parental Guidelines for Spanking Children. Family Counseling Ministries. Retrieved 28 December 2010

“Study Reveals Black And White Children React Differently To Harsh Discipline.” (1996). Jet. General OneFile. Retrieved 28 December 2010